Special guest Tara Henley joins Kat and Phoebe to discuss leaning in, leaning out, and leaning away from cat ownership for extremely compelling reasons. Links: Helen Andrews essay: Lean Out - The American Mind About Tara's documentaryThe making of '39': field notes from producer Tara Henley | CBC Radio
I know we’re supposed to say that it’s totally different for middle aged men who didn’t want to be alone and childless and find themselves that way, but I don’t feel that.
I'm on the cusp of Millennial and Gen Z, so I figure I might be able to offer some insight into why my age group isn't as drawn to parenting as previous generations.
1. Doomerism. You cannot discuss my generation's relationship to the idea of parenthood without discussing a culture of pessimism. Many people my age feel a sense of looming systematic collapse. Consequently, there's this idea that having children is selfish and even cruel. According to this line of thinking, by having children, you are exerting additional pressure on the economy and the environment and using up scarce resources. Moreover, the children would presumably have a much worse quality of life than you, as they would inherit an earth that has been ravaged and a society on the verge of collapse. When everyone is talking about a climate emergency and "late stage capitalism," many people my age believe that the risks and harms of having children greatly outweigh any potential benefits.
2. Logistics. Young people want to achieve financial stability and find a suitable partner before they have children. This means establishing yourself career-wise, finding a good living arrangement, and meeting someone who is compatible and willing to commit. The people who want to raise children generally want to be prepared before it happens. Professionally, this means spending several years in the workforce and accumulating savings. Depending on where you live, being in a living situation that would be comfortable for raising kids can take a while. Most people don't want to have to live with roommates by the time children are on the horizon, but in many major metropolitan areas, homes and apartments with space for a family are expensive and scarce. Finally, people want to make sure that they have the right partner. If you want kids, you want someone else who wants kids. Many people do not want kids. You also want someone who is going to be reliable and compatible. It can take a long time, luck, and a great deal of trial and error to find someone like that! Out of the hundreds of people my age that I know, there are four successful longterm couples.
3. Parents have an image problem. They are seen as uncool, out of touch, repressive, basic, unintelligent, and unattractive. The image of parents is of vacant mommy bloggers, abusers, "karens", bigots, anti-vaxxers, drones who can only talk about their children, and sexless overworked sadsacks. It's common to believe that women's bodies will cease to be attractive once they have children. If you want to be seen as intelligent, interesting, hot, independent, and youthful, you might worry that becoming a mother or father would put a wrench in that and hold off.
4. What we know about pregnancy and parenting is off-putting. We all know that childbirth is an arduous, extremely painful, sometimes life-threatening process. We know that children are expensive and demanding. We know that parenting is stressful and time-consuming. Young people don't want to jeopardize their freedom, careers, financial stability, and lack of vaginal tearing for something that has been framed to us as more of a punishment than a gift.
When you consider all of these factors, is it any surprise that so few young people want to have kids right now?
This was pretty deep, I loved it.
Had no idea of Tara's documentary, despite subscribing to her 'stack. Will be sure to watch at some point.
I know we’re supposed to say that it’s totally different for middle aged men who didn’t want to be alone and childless and find themselves that way, but I don’t feel that.
I'm on the cusp of Millennial and Gen Z, so I figure I might be able to offer some insight into why my age group isn't as drawn to parenting as previous generations.
1. Doomerism. You cannot discuss my generation's relationship to the idea of parenthood without discussing a culture of pessimism. Many people my age feel a sense of looming systematic collapse. Consequently, there's this idea that having children is selfish and even cruel. According to this line of thinking, by having children, you are exerting additional pressure on the economy and the environment and using up scarce resources. Moreover, the children would presumably have a much worse quality of life than you, as they would inherit an earth that has been ravaged and a society on the verge of collapse. When everyone is talking about a climate emergency and "late stage capitalism," many people my age believe that the risks and harms of having children greatly outweigh any potential benefits.
2. Logistics. Young people want to achieve financial stability and find a suitable partner before they have children. This means establishing yourself career-wise, finding a good living arrangement, and meeting someone who is compatible and willing to commit. The people who want to raise children generally want to be prepared before it happens. Professionally, this means spending several years in the workforce and accumulating savings. Depending on where you live, being in a living situation that would be comfortable for raising kids can take a while. Most people don't want to have to live with roommates by the time children are on the horizon, but in many major metropolitan areas, homes and apartments with space for a family are expensive and scarce. Finally, people want to make sure that they have the right partner. If you want kids, you want someone else who wants kids. Many people do not want kids. You also want someone who is going to be reliable and compatible. It can take a long time, luck, and a great deal of trial and error to find someone like that! Out of the hundreds of people my age that I know, there are four successful longterm couples.
3. Parents have an image problem. They are seen as uncool, out of touch, repressive, basic, unintelligent, and unattractive. The image of parents is of vacant mommy bloggers, abusers, "karens", bigots, anti-vaxxers, drones who can only talk about their children, and sexless overworked sadsacks. It's common to believe that women's bodies will cease to be attractive once they have children. If you want to be seen as intelligent, interesting, hot, independent, and youthful, you might worry that becoming a mother or father would put a wrench in that and hold off.
4. What we know about pregnancy and parenting is off-putting. We all know that childbirth is an arduous, extremely painful, sometimes life-threatening process. We know that children are expensive and demanding. We know that parenting is stressful and time-consuming. Young people don't want to jeopardize their freedom, careers, financial stability, and lack of vaginal tearing for something that has been framed to us as more of a punishment than a gift.
When you consider all of these factors, is it any surprise that so few young people want to have kids right now?